"Good morning sir. I have a reverse charges call for a gentleman by the name of Jake".
"That's me".
"Will you accept the call sir?"
"Who's it from?"
"A gentleman by the name of Barnabus".
"Barnabus? Yeah, sure put it on through". Almost immediately the line fills with the static crackling of a bad line and, sounding as if the person on the other end has put down their phone at one end of a field and is trying to talk through it standing at the other end of the aforementioned field, Jake hears Barnabus' unmistakable voice. "hello, can anyone hear me?"
"Barnabus, where the greasin' hell are you? You sound like you're at the bottom of a well". Jake hears a couple of loud slaps at the other end of the line, a series of beeps and squawks and the connection goes silent for a couple of seconds and then Barnabus' voice appears, with crystal clarity, as if he were standing right next to Jake.
"Alright bud...sorry 'bout that. Had to re-align to another quantum network, oh, and go up onto the roof. You've no idea how little reception there is round here".
"Where are you?!"
Um, in a pub..ur..some planet innnnnn....QUADRANT 284!"
"You're calling me collect from 300 light years away?"
"YEah, anyway, forget about that. You'd never guess the name of the pub I'm standing in? Go on guess".
"Uhhhh, the Warlord's Tankard?"
"Nope"
"The Frog and the Frigate?"
"Guess again"
"Raiders Retreat?"
"Uh uh".
"I dunno B".
"IT'S...THE. HEGEMONNNNNNNNNNNN!"
"What?"
"Well, the first one was so successful they expanded. Turns out The Hegemon is a franchise now; they're operating in 300 hundred separate quadrants. Can you believe it? As it is, I hitched a lift on this advertising junket they were doing for the opening of the 300th bar. It's almost the same as the one back home. You'd love it. Anyway, that's why you've got to be in the spaceport in an hour. There's a ticket waiting for you at launch gate 15. If you leave now you should just make it".
"No, not again B, I'm too old for this".
"Quit complaining buddy and start moving. Time waits for no man and all that, plus I've booked you in business class. They've got fresh prawns. Try some, they're yummy. Anyway enough chitter chatter. Get moving. We can talk more once you get here. Now; GO!"
Hello?
5 posts • Page 1 of 1
Hello?
by Jim DiGriz » June 13th, 2007, 12:28 pm
Ever wondered how a US soldier explains to an Iraqi detainee that they are about to undergo a strip search? Till now, we assumed they cracked open a beer and produced their camera, but it turns out the method is way more sophisticated.
-
Jim DiGriz - Forum Moderator
- Posts: 895
- Joined: December 30th, 2002, 7:34 am
- Location: Gloucester England
by Jim DiGriz » June 18th, 2007, 11:01 am
Greetings gentlemen,
People around here call me Barnabus. Just started up a little trading firm in this quadrant and am looking to do some business with you both. I have planets which may be of interest to the two of you. Good for practicing invasion skills and the like. Totally barren of course. No life on them at all but we can certainly look to build some fake towns and installations which you can practice fragging from space or for sending in raiding parties and the like, for a fee, of course!
I've introduced you both to one another and I hope we can get along. There's business to be done in all sectors and I can more than assist you both along your own particular paths.
Let me know if I can be of assistance at any point.
Barnabus
Your friendly trader baron.
People around here call me Barnabus. Just started up a little trading firm in this quadrant and am looking to do some business with you both. I have planets which may be of interest to the two of you. Good for practicing invasion skills and the like. Totally barren of course. No life on them at all but we can certainly look to build some fake towns and installations which you can practice fragging from space or for sending in raiding parties and the like, for a fee, of course!
I've introduced you both to one another and I hope we can get along. There's business to be done in all sectors and I can more than assist you both along your own particular paths.
Let me know if I can be of assistance at any point.
Barnabus
Your friendly trader baron.
Ever wondered how a US soldier explains to an Iraqi detainee that they are about to undergo a strip search? Till now, we assumed they cracked open a beer and produced their camera, but it turns out the method is way more sophisticated.
-
Jim DiGriz - Forum Moderator
- Posts: 895
- Joined: December 30th, 2002, 7:34 am
- Location: Gloucester England
by Jim DiGriz » June 24th, 2007, 3:09 am
Rosen, a waterworld in the quadrant 284, home to the Rosenbergii. A planet of shallow seas and no landmasses bathed in the orange glow of a star that still had billions of years of life remaining. Viewed from orbit it was a world of clear waters and sandy coloured seabeds covered here and there with vast fields of kelp and coral networks stretching for thousands of miles.
The Rosenbergii had been at peace with the rest of Quadrant 284 for millennia. Whenever ships had entered orbit the Elders of the Council of Rosenbergii that represented the entire planet would gather together. They would enter a communal trance and send a powerful telepathic message to the visitors asking them to respect the sovereignty of the Rosenbergii and to leave them in peace.
Their wishes were always respected. Their civilisation entered a golden age and many said that their waters had never been so translucent and calm. With no natural predators and a benign environment the population of the Rosenbergii steadily increased till they spanned the entire globe. But theirs was not a culture that destroyed their habitat. Their society grew in tune with the natural order so that there was never any shortage of resources, no war to blight their history. Indeed, there was no concept of violence. There was just the cycle of life and death.
The mating ritual would occur only once a year and last several hours. Such a ritual would seemingly occur spontaneously at various times around Rosen but was genetically linked to the seasons and the ebb and flow of particular tides.
Once every thousand years, the heavens would align and the tides would synchronise for less than a day and one of the marvels of the Rosenbergii civilisation, The Great Concatenation, would begin. The mating ritual of the entire population of Rosen would occur at exactly the same time. If the Rosenbergii had ever bothered themselves with space travel or indeed the question of flight they would have marvelled at the spectacle of trillions of gray backed citizens creating fractal patterns on a planetary scale as they followed the instinctual need to breed.
For almost three hundred thousand years their society grew and matured; without challenge. Should any new race come close the elders could always be relied upon to send them on their way with little disturbance to the natural order.
Clearly, this was a Golden Age!
The Rosenbergii had been at peace with the rest of Quadrant 284 for millennia. Whenever ships had entered orbit the Elders of the Council of Rosenbergii that represented the entire planet would gather together. They would enter a communal trance and send a powerful telepathic message to the visitors asking them to respect the sovereignty of the Rosenbergii and to leave them in peace.
Their wishes were always respected. Their civilisation entered a golden age and many said that their waters had never been so translucent and calm. With no natural predators and a benign environment the population of the Rosenbergii steadily increased till they spanned the entire globe. But theirs was not a culture that destroyed their habitat. Their society grew in tune with the natural order so that there was never any shortage of resources, no war to blight their history. Indeed, there was no concept of violence. There was just the cycle of life and death.
The mating ritual would occur only once a year and last several hours. Such a ritual would seemingly occur spontaneously at various times around Rosen but was genetically linked to the seasons and the ebb and flow of particular tides.
Once every thousand years, the heavens would align and the tides would synchronise for less than a day and one of the marvels of the Rosenbergii civilisation, The Great Concatenation, would begin. The mating ritual of the entire population of Rosen would occur at exactly the same time. If the Rosenbergii had ever bothered themselves with space travel or indeed the question of flight they would have marvelled at the spectacle of trillions of gray backed citizens creating fractal patterns on a planetary scale as they followed the instinctual need to breed.
For almost three hundred thousand years their society grew and matured; without challenge. Should any new race come close the elders could always be relied upon to send them on their way with little disturbance to the natural order.
Clearly, this was a Golden Age!
Ever wondered how a US soldier explains to an Iraqi detainee that they are about to undergo a strip search? Till now, we assumed they cracked open a beer and produced their camera, but it turns out the method is way more sophisticated.
-
Jim DiGriz - Forum Moderator
- Posts: 895
- Joined: December 30th, 2002, 7:34 am
- Location: Gloucester England
by Jim DiGriz » June 24th, 2007, 4:52 am
"Tell me again Elder. Tell me how it happened".
"Princess, I do not believe now is the time", he says as a large shadow passes across the cell and the Elder can sense the Warrior Caste stiffen and then drop into a spherical battle posture all around the Princess. "We must try and work out some form of escape" but even as says it he knows their cause is lost.
"Please Elder, I know that we cannot escape. The only thing that keeps me calm is conversation. Tell me again, what happened to our people?"
"Yes Princess. As you so desire. No one knows why the war started. Records are scarce and most of the Rosenbergii have been wiped out or are surviving in isolated communities. The only thing that is certain is that the invaders arrived during the 300th Great Concatenation. With even the elders obeying the call to breed no one detected the arrival of a craft in orbit. No one was able to communicate with the craft and send it on it's way and no preparations were made when this craft started to descend into the atmosphere.
It landed in the Southern Seas. The ship was vast and reports that survive from this initial contact claim that scouts took several days to pass beneath its surface. Several delegations of elders were sent to communicate with the craft but to no avail. They were ignored. The initial delegation disappeared and were never heard from again.
Soon, more craft began to arrive and similar delegations were sent to try and communicate with these invaders. Likewise, these elders mysteriously disappeared. Reports started to filter through that whole populations were being wiped out around these craft. Princess, this was before we understood the nature of conflict you understand?"
"Yes Elder", and she motions him to continue with a flick of a front chela.
"Well, soon enough it became clear that if we did not flee or try to retaliate in some way we were to be wiped out. These invaders were much too strong for us. As a culture we had lived as one with our environment. We had persued philosophy and art and music and spent millenia basking in the rays of our sun in balmy waters amidst fields of kelp. We had no technology to speak of for we needed none for our way of life and so we fled. But the invaders followed us.
Certain of us started to change. To mutate into a new role. This you now see as our warrior caste. Millions of them assaulted the enemy. Wave after wave only to be slaughtered with what we now recognise as chemical weapons and poisons. These battles left the surfaces of the waters slick with the oils of the fallen and the enemy left their bodies to rot and sink to the bottom of the sea. We couldn't even retrieve them as burial parties sent out were also killed by these all pervasive chemical agents.
It was a hopeless war and one we were destined to lose. Within 25 years most of the elders had been killed or disappeared. Only the young remained. There are stories that the invaders left Rosen after this for reasons unknown and that the young that were all that was left behind have matured once more and now thrive upon Rosen but I fear that if such a story is true, then it will not be long before the invaders return.
Most of our history is lost and the only way that it can live on is through the passing on of the stories that remain amongst those of us that have been born within captivity, Rosenbergii like you and me and the valiant warrior caste that even now protects you".
It seems like their captors have been monitoring their discussion and choose to put the loyalty and bravery of the warrior caste to the test. The cell's ceiling snaps open and piercing white light pins the princess in it's glare. Despite the Elder being able to sense the Warrior Caste's chelae vibrating in fear they all surge as one towards the light in attack formation...and then the light is gone and with it the warrior caste.
The elder briefly remains in telepathic communication with the group.
"What do you see elder? Tell me!"
"I see, invaders all around. Whiteness, brightness everywhere. I'm paralysed. I cannot move. I'm out of water. Gasping for breath. I see small round leaves of...it looks like kelp but on circular pieces of stone and...NO...NOOOOOOO!!!". A psychic scream rips through the minds of the remaining Rosenbergii and the elder collapses to the floor of the cell. He drifts in and out of consciousness. When he briefly wakes he babbles about being boiled alive, about being thrown into an active caldera and the fear knocks him out again, leaving him to be tended to by the princess, the two of them, the only ones remaining in this cell, with the princess awaiting her fate.
"Princess, I do not believe now is the time", he says as a large shadow passes across the cell and the Elder can sense the Warrior Caste stiffen and then drop into a spherical battle posture all around the Princess. "We must try and work out some form of escape" but even as says it he knows their cause is lost.
"Please Elder, I know that we cannot escape. The only thing that keeps me calm is conversation. Tell me again, what happened to our people?"
"Yes Princess. As you so desire. No one knows why the war started. Records are scarce and most of the Rosenbergii have been wiped out or are surviving in isolated communities. The only thing that is certain is that the invaders arrived during the 300th Great Concatenation. With even the elders obeying the call to breed no one detected the arrival of a craft in orbit. No one was able to communicate with the craft and send it on it's way and no preparations were made when this craft started to descend into the atmosphere.
It landed in the Southern Seas. The ship was vast and reports that survive from this initial contact claim that scouts took several days to pass beneath its surface. Several delegations of elders were sent to communicate with the craft but to no avail. They were ignored. The initial delegation disappeared and were never heard from again.
Soon, more craft began to arrive and similar delegations were sent to try and communicate with these invaders. Likewise, these elders mysteriously disappeared. Reports started to filter through that whole populations were being wiped out around these craft. Princess, this was before we understood the nature of conflict you understand?"
"Yes Elder", and she motions him to continue with a flick of a front chela.
"Well, soon enough it became clear that if we did not flee or try to retaliate in some way we were to be wiped out. These invaders were much too strong for us. As a culture we had lived as one with our environment. We had persued philosophy and art and music and spent millenia basking in the rays of our sun in balmy waters amidst fields of kelp. We had no technology to speak of for we needed none for our way of life and so we fled. But the invaders followed us.
Certain of us started to change. To mutate into a new role. This you now see as our warrior caste. Millions of them assaulted the enemy. Wave after wave only to be slaughtered with what we now recognise as chemical weapons and poisons. These battles left the surfaces of the waters slick with the oils of the fallen and the enemy left their bodies to rot and sink to the bottom of the sea. We couldn't even retrieve them as burial parties sent out were also killed by these all pervasive chemical agents.
It was a hopeless war and one we were destined to lose. Within 25 years most of the elders had been killed or disappeared. Only the young remained. There are stories that the invaders left Rosen after this for reasons unknown and that the young that were all that was left behind have matured once more and now thrive upon Rosen but I fear that if such a story is true, then it will not be long before the invaders return.
Most of our history is lost and the only way that it can live on is through the passing on of the stories that remain amongst those of us that have been born within captivity, Rosenbergii like you and me and the valiant warrior caste that even now protects you".
It seems like their captors have been monitoring their discussion and choose to put the loyalty and bravery of the warrior caste to the test. The cell's ceiling snaps open and piercing white light pins the princess in it's glare. Despite the Elder being able to sense the Warrior Caste's chelae vibrating in fear they all surge as one towards the light in attack formation...and then the light is gone and with it the warrior caste.
The elder briefly remains in telepathic communication with the group.
"What do you see elder? Tell me!"
"I see, invaders all around. Whiteness, brightness everywhere. I'm paralysed. I cannot move. I'm out of water. Gasping for breath. I see small round leaves of...it looks like kelp but on circular pieces of stone and...NO...NOOOOOOO!!!". A psychic scream rips through the minds of the remaining Rosenbergii and the elder collapses to the floor of the cell. He drifts in and out of consciousness. When he briefly wakes he babbles about being boiled alive, about being thrown into an active caldera and the fear knocks him out again, leaving him to be tended to by the princess, the two of them, the only ones remaining in this cell, with the princess awaiting her fate.
Ever wondered how a US soldier explains to an Iraqi detainee that they are about to undergo a strip search? Till now, we assumed they cracked open a beer and produced their camera, but it turns out the method is way more sophisticated.
-
Jim DiGriz - Forum Moderator
- Posts: 895
- Joined: December 30th, 2002, 7:34 am
- Location: Gloucester England
by Jim DiGriz » June 24th, 2007, 5:08 am
Barnabus is waiting at the spaceport when Jake's flight comes in. Meeting him at arrivals Barnabus shoulders Jakes' bag and they make their way to the passenger rank.
"Good flight Jake?"
"Yeah B'. Real good".
"Did you take my advice?"
"What, with the prawns B? Yeah. Prawn salad. Absolutely amazing. Succulent. Made fresh on the journey. They even let me pick out the ones I wanted. They've got a damn tank on board".
"Yeah, I know. Told you Jake. Turns out they farm them from a planet round here. Curious story with that actually. Complete waterworld planet. Got ignored for millennia. Any time any ship went into orbit around it communication systems would randomly go down through bursts of static and onboard computers would go haywire. Even shielding the kit had no effect. Was put down to a quirk of the planets magnetic field. Beautiful, idyllic world but couldn't land without crashing and even if you could land you could never get airborne again as local conditions would just knock your systems offline then knock you out of the sky".
"So, what changed?"
"Trader turned up one year. Nothing happened. Some mass migration or something was going on down on the planet. Not knowing any better they went planet side and landed their craft slap bang in the middle of one of the oceans. Turns out this place was swarming with the local equivalent of prawns. They called in to their firm who sent a few harvesters over and they've been farming the place ever since. Of course, they leave the ecosystem to recover every few years but then they're factory farming offworld anyway so the supply never dries up. Good little earner".
"Well, thanks for the tip B. It really made the trip".
"No worries, Jake. Now what do you say to us getting to the Hegemon and having a pint?"
"B, I never thought you'd ask".
"Good flight Jake?"
"Yeah B'. Real good".
"Did you take my advice?"
"What, with the prawns B? Yeah. Prawn salad. Absolutely amazing. Succulent. Made fresh on the journey. They even let me pick out the ones I wanted. They've got a damn tank on board".
"Yeah, I know. Told you Jake. Turns out they farm them from a planet round here. Curious story with that actually. Complete waterworld planet. Got ignored for millennia. Any time any ship went into orbit around it communication systems would randomly go down through bursts of static and onboard computers would go haywire. Even shielding the kit had no effect. Was put down to a quirk of the planets magnetic field. Beautiful, idyllic world but couldn't land without crashing and even if you could land you could never get airborne again as local conditions would just knock your systems offline then knock you out of the sky".
"So, what changed?"
"Trader turned up one year. Nothing happened. Some mass migration or something was going on down on the planet. Not knowing any better they went planet side and landed their craft slap bang in the middle of one of the oceans. Turns out this place was swarming with the local equivalent of prawns. They called in to their firm who sent a few harvesters over and they've been farming the place ever since. Of course, they leave the ecosystem to recover every few years but then they're factory farming offworld anyway so the supply never dries up. Good little earner".
"Well, thanks for the tip B. It really made the trip".
"No worries, Jake. Now what do you say to us getting to the Hegemon and having a pint?"
"B, I never thought you'd ask".
Ever wondered how a US soldier explains to an Iraqi detainee that they are about to undergo a strip search? Till now, we assumed they cracked open a beer and produced their camera, but it turns out the method is way more sophisticated.
-
Jim DiGriz - Forum Moderator
- Posts: 895
- Joined: December 30th, 2002, 7:34 am
- Location: Gloucester England
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